19
Feb 12
The Man Card
I really enjoyed the video we watched Friday in class. It was great to broaden our views on homosexuality and realize some of the turmoil gay men face day to day. Out of all that I noted from the video what stood out the most was one of the comments about the “man card,” and the idea of us giving it to certain men and making others earn it. Who are we to define what manhood is and who has to earn it? Why is it that heterosexuals are given one and homosexuals have to earn it?
After seeing the video I thought about how ridiculously rigid the model of masculinity is in the U.S. Why is that so? When I lived in South America men would often give each other massages in class or sit with their arms around each other–this was never met with gay comments though. Men can wear capris and hug without reprimand or having their sexuality questioned. I realize there are many cultural aspects that make this so, but if men did this in the U.S, they might be made fun of. Gender as a performance is such an interesting way to think of our roles in society.
But perhaps the best quote of the video was a man who eventually decided to quit with any performance:
“I didn’t know how to be a boy, I just knew how to be me.”
I also thought the film was very interesting and informative. I wonder how the straight men who played in the gay flag football league defended their “man card” to their friends and family. Did they try to compensate by bragging about sexual conquests with women, or were they comfortable enough with their masculinity to just be themselves.
As you mentioned, in the US the cultural expectations for men are different than in other countries. It would be interesting to compare different ideas of manhood between them, along with gay stereotypes, to see where there are similarities and differences.
But in the end, I think your quote selection summed up the idea of the film pretty nicely. We should all just try to be ourselves, to not worry about portraying an ideal man or an ideal woman. For all the emphasis that our society places on the individual over the collective, we spend an awful lot of time trying to blend in.
While I did enjoy the video and found it to be interesting, I was also irritated with something. There were a lot of personal definitions of what made a person “a man.” I feel that most of these definitions make no sense. All of the qualities described anybody is capable of, including women. I think they should have specifically used the term masculinity and not saying this is whats make a guy “a man.” I did find the message that “my sexuality does not define who I am,” to be positive and fluent in the film, but I also found that while some of the guys claim to not be of certain types, they seem to feed into other stereotypes that exist within the LGBT community. Personally, I find that it just easier not to define myself for anyone.
Good point, Will. I was taking notes (I always take a lot of notes when I watch films with my classes), and I was noting common themes among many of men in the first half of the film defining being a man in terms like integrity, trustworthiness, keeping one’s word, honesty, loyalty, and so on. All fine, admirable qualities, and you say, not unique to men at all!
But maybe that’s really the point — could it be that the qualities that are most important about how we define ourselves to ourselves aren’t about our sex/gender or our sexuality?